May Brings Change

Starting this month I'm working on a project that will hopefully have me writing considerably more than I have been, and will hopefully have considerably more people reading it too.

I'm posting a Hearthstead novel in weekly portions. Maybe bi-monthly. Still haven't decided that part.

I'm not starting this week and maybe not next week. It depends on how much buffer I've got going by then. But I wanted to let everyone know that it's happening, and that as of today all my writing energies, when I focus them, are honed in on this one project until I get it going reliably. I've got plans. Like accompanying artwork, branches into games and music, and a whole lot of story I think deserves to be somewhere other than just the heads of two cousins.

Here's some stuff I don't know yet that I need to sort out before this actually starts happening:

Venue:  This novel needs an internet home, and it's not going to be this blog. I have one spot in mind, but I'm trying to decide if I need a new URL and if I shouldn't fork over the money for a nice little niche of the web all its own. A brand new website means a good deal of page design and that's quite a bit of work, but the reason I'm puzzling about this now is I'm not sure about moving home sites if this gets more successful further down the line. If any of my readers know for sure I won't be nipping this bud by starting on a free, bloggy website, maybe you could ease my worries on this?

Timing:  When exactly I'm going to start posting is some rancid calculus of everything else I've mentioned so far confinded by the logarithmic curve of my writing pace, which is probably more up in the air than all that. There's also the question I mentioned above of whether posts will be weekly, every two weeks, one great bull of a post a month, or intermittent depending on creator patterns. My first thought is weekly, but... :

Other Content: Like I said, I'd like this to be more than just words I splatter all over the internet. Hearthstead was birthed as a stick figure comic in a notebook with a healthy dose of legos and roleplaying, so I want the full-on commencement of Hearthstead storytelling to be similarly multidisciplinary. I am unfortunately not a polymath so I'll likely be looking to bring in others to help fill in whatever content it is we'll be doing. At the very least there'll be pictures, and at the very least my cousin Nate, whose brainchild Hearthstead is as much as it is mine, will be participating, be it with visual art, mix tracks, or as a sounding board to make sure I'm bringing 100% Hearthstead with every post. I know that visual artwork is often as time-consuming and labor-intensive as writing (I'm sure many artists would consider writing lazy by comparison), so I'd be remiss if I declared a definite density of artwork-to-written-post without a certainty of how all that's working.

All that stuff hanging in the firmament aside, I'm posting this blog for one primary reason: because I really want to do this, and I want everyone to know that I'm dead-set on giving it its fair shot. This isn't a half-baked novella I push for a week and leave behind. I have plans for at least four "seasons" of this thing, and that's gonna take tremendous time and effort and hopefully be a boatload of fun. Hope you're along for the ride.

I'll leave you with this little teaser. The working title I have for this project, or at least its first phase? Forging the Shade.

Peace.

Long Form

Preemptive warning: this blog post is basically just me thinking into a word processor. By the time I post this my wife will be away at camp meeting. I handle the distance better than she does. Still it means I won't have her here to help me wrestle my demons.

As I have come to believe is typical for most writers of my pedigree (that is folks who grew up doing it and have trouble imagining doing anything else with their lives) I have a bounty of old unfinished projects, many of wish I probably erroneously considering still to be "in progress." I may have mentioned a few of them on this blog in the past. Certainly Talks Ke looms large both in word count and personal mythology.

I have also mentioned that I have quite a few projects heaped on my plate. It is enough to make me wonder if I give myself these projects just to feel like I'm doing something with my life.
Then I remember these are stories I want to tell. They capture my mind and I want to share them. Ideally, I want the natural outpouring of my writing to support me. I'm even willing to work hard at it.

One of troubles with having novel or series-length projects is that, while I want to share the stories, it takes a tremendous amount of time and effort to devote to their telling, not to mention the hard part: going public. Book signings. Elbow rubbing. And that's after convincing someone to pick you up.

It seems to me that I also face the inverse problem with my Writing Circle. In terms of time and effort the pieces we generate have minimal requirements, but I have virtually no passion for the material and frankly that shows in every soulless piece I put out week to week. I'm good at writing short stories. Not great. Just good. But that's only when I care about what I am writing. All too often I slog through because it's ostensibly improving my writing. I am still uncomfortable with the short story structure. I can't get pacing right and I prioritize the wrong techniques. Many weeks I rush through the writing to get to projects I give a hoot about.

These projects apparently include complaining on this blog, which is easier than tying my shoes.
For these reasons I am probably going to cut this blog short to make time for other things. Like short stories and poetry. But at least you know where my head's at, should you care about such things.


I'm still working on song reviews. They haven't gone a way. See you next week.

Thought Lives Are Weird

So lately my brain had been confused about whether I am considering becoming an atheist. I say this because in the last few weeks I have found myself debating the points in my head why it would be a bad idea for everyone else were I to make that decision, without an easily discernible source.

You see, I am quite happy believing in my all-powerful, all-good, loving Creator who saved me by dying as a man and coming back to life. I am convinced that everything good in my life has come from Him, that all my problems are a result of the sins of humanity (primarily my own), and that He is the solution.

Yet I find myself thinking about nihilism. I think about what the world would seem to me if God did not exist, and basically it all looks like ashes to me without Him.

Now, I am going through a real crisis of sorts, trying to find my feet in a flood of friends and peers throwing their support behind homosexuality (and the topic of marriage especially). A year ago I knew what to think, but what complicates it is first, the number of people, including close friends, who are altering or tweaking their stance, and second, the compelling arguments made by such folks.

But I don't really believe that either stance on homosexuality is going to keep someone from heaven. Its just that I am beginning to feel singled out and I don't know if I should welcome it or reevaluate my own convictions more fully than these checks my system keeps seeming to run without me. Either way this isn't making me doubt the existence of God.

If anything, that would be my friends. I have one or two friends who are wrestling and angry with my Loving Savior, and perhaps my mind is trying to place itself in their shoes to try and understand where they're coming from. The problem is for me the existence of God is axiomatic, that is, so intrinsic to my understanding of the universe that without Him nothing means anything. I have a line of reasoning to back this up, rooted in philosophy, and maybe there'll be a blog post on that.

But when I'm thinking about these things I am not intentionally trying to put myself in another's shoes. I seem to be deciding on that subconsciously and skipping to the part where I have strong emotional responses to trying to imagine a universe without its source of meaning. It's not even helpful for these friends because my response sort of devolves into "disbelieving God is stupid for reasons I find hard to articulate because I emotions and there are a lot of reasons."

Couple this with my general dissatisfaction with grunt working life, the pittance of writing I am doing, finances, and sundry, and you have another part of my brain observing the part that's having emotional reactions and asking the general overseer if I'm okay. To which I respond:
"Nope, not really."

At least I don't ask myself if I want to talk about it. Instead I start composing a blog post in my head.

Or in this case actually writing one.

This has been a peek at my brain. Sorry if it scarred you. And don't worry about me, I'm as okay ever.