White Knights and Writer's Block

I may have mentioned this before, but I don't particularly believe in writer's block.  Despite this, though, there are times I set aside to write where nothing comes.  I deeply suspect that during these times I just don't feel like writing.  If I let this rule me, though, I'll never amount to anything as a writer, because I'll never write anything.

It's hard when I don't like anything that comes out of my head when I'm writing.  There are some interesting ideas, but nothing cohesive, nothing that I think matters.  If I'm not engaging with what I'm writing, how are my readers supposed to?  Now, I've had readers most interested in the things about my writing I find the most dull, and I can kind of take that in stride.  People have different preferences from each other.  I still stubbornly seek objective goodness in my writing.  It's just a frustrating battle to fight.

One thing that's quite popular lately in all kinds of stories is the anti-hero.  This is the guy who doesn't even really want to do the right thing.  There's also the edgy hero, like the concept of Breaking Bad (brewing/selling illicit drugs to keep a family afloat).  I know that people are interested in this because it explores the space between black and white, and in our culture people tend to think the gray is more honest about life.  I'm not like that.  Yes, I'm admitting that I look at things in a more black and white way than most.  But you might be surprised by what I call black and what I call white.

One of my main questions is "where's your heart at?"  Not that I actually ask it aloud, or even think about it in as many words.  I like to see when characters weigh their decisions based on the nexus of their motivations, emotions, and logic.

I get frustrated when things don't come out right in the end, or if people making horribly flawed decisions are the ones rising as the victors.  I don't care for stories where no one comes to the rescue.  It's not necessarily because I believe that that's what happens in real life, but because when I'm a very protective person.  Because my first thought when I see someone in distress is how I can end that distress, it's hard for me to imagine that there won't be someone in the story who behaves as I would.

I know it's cliché to like the white knight, but I do.  I don't think they're nearly as boring as they're made out to be.  Because, again, that's my personality.  It's not easy to be the good guy.  If you're human, you're chock full of flaws you have to strive against, at the same time you're battling the injustices you see around you.  But that's the way I see myself interacting with the outside world.  Fixing things that are wrong.

That might be why I'm an introvert.  Some things don't need fixing, or can't be fixed.  At least not by me.  It kinda gets you down, man.

That's also probably why fantasy appeals to me.  Stack the deck in the favor setting things right.  Because things are never going to settle right in this world, and seeing the real world in chaos is what I do every day.  I don't want to keep seeing it in my fiction.

I want to see the chaos undone.  Raveled.

Okay, this kinda got side-tracked.  Anyway, sometimes I lose interest in writing in the confines of my current project.  Like Talas Ke.  I'm having some issues sorting out the ending.  It's hard to finish something that's been around in my head for a decade.  I need it to be perfect.  And it isn't going to be.  But I don't want to give up.  Then there's writing poetry for songs.  I had a couple good ideas, but now I don't know where to go without getting either repetitive or trite.

Thankfully, I can write about whatever on this blog, even about the issues I'm having with writing at the moment.  And know that I'd rather bury myself in a writing project than go out and find a job.  That's frustrating, too.  Because I need a job like a good analogy needs to relate to the audience.

Part of the problem with temporarily living at home with the parents is the lack of space.  It's also one of the few setbacks in marriage.  At least on the surface, it seems like I'd be doing a lot better as a writer if I was single and living alone in a quiet apartment.

Balancing the great two great passions of my life is just going to get harder, isn't it?

Grenth's gory beard, life sucks.

:/

Book in the Works

I have just one thing to talk about today—I think.  Today I took great strides to get a novel ready for publication.  I signed up, set it up, formatted it, and finally submitted it for review.  Now I'm waiting for that review to come back so I can order a proof.

I'm super excited, and looking forward to what this means for the future.  There is another thing I'm excited for.  There's a wedding on Sunday.  I'm quite happy for the bride and groom.

Unfortunately, I don't have much else to say.  I'll reserve more of the information about the novel for when there's something you can do about it.  Just know that it's in the works and I'm ecstatic.

Bread-making and a New Month

Today, Rachael stood on Shakespeare and the Lord of the Rings to make some homemade bread for us, some of which was then converted into delicious grilled cheese sandwiches/paninis.  That's the big event of the day.

In other news, I finished that paper I needed to write, and now I'm just a take-home, a couple of one page essays, and two finals away from finishing school for good (ish).  Except, you know, finishing the story for Writer's Workshop and printing out my portfolio.  Oh good, there's still a lot more for me to do before I'm done.

I apologize for the lack of real content in my blogging as of late.  There hasn't been a whole lot for me to talk about and I haven't had much time to do so with all the work I've needed to be doing.

As it stands, I plan to keep blogging daily through the month of May as I did through April, if I'm able.  Maybe I'll devise a different punishment for myself, just in case videos of face-punches start getting old.  Any of my readers have feedback on what I might do instead?  Go ahead and post a comment.  I'm open for suggestions.

For now, though, I'm off to work.

Shrug out.

A To-Do List and GUILD WARS 2

So here's what I have left for this semester:


English Grammar:  One eight to ten page research paper, and one take-home final exam due Wednesday morning.

Pres. Speaking:  Two short papers analyzing speeches due Thursday morning.  Exam 8:00am.

New Media:  Exam 4:00pm Monday, May 7.


Writer workshop:  Finished manuscript and a portfolio of my finest writing due during Finals Week.

It's the final stretch.  And yes, this is what's on my mind today.  This, and

GUILD WARS 2 BETA EVENT.  A little less than two hours from now, the floodgates will open, and I will... be in a meeting with some peers about my writing.  Then!  I can come home and log in. Maybe.  If my wife isn't buried in it on my computer.

At any rate, I am ridiculously excited about this.  Maybe I'll take some pictures or something.  Yes, I am blogging now so that I don't have to do it while I could be playing Guild Wars 2.

Positive Reinforcement

So this weekend's an open beta weekend for Diablo III.  That's cool.  I'm gonna try it for a little bit.  Then I'm gonna be done and go do more productive things.  I'll let you know how it goes, I guess.

I got some positive feedback on my manuscript, which is super cool and makes me happy.  I have to be humble about it, though, because that's the right thing to do.  Honestly, it's just encouraging when I go for a certain thing in my writing and people have the response I'm aiming for.  Makes me feel like writing is actually a thing I can do.

Last night I did more productive things with the helpful, loving prodding of my wife, and I hope to do more of the same, as I mentioned at the beginning of this blog post.  At some point I'll give you a video of something, and you'll get to watch it and have thoughts (and maybe feelings).

After my presentation, I might even post my video project up here.  We'll see how that goes.  For now, I'm gonna go.  Peace out.  Chill off.

Le Shrug

All-consuming Vortex

It is so very easy to consume. I spent about an hour and a half today watching someone else play Kid Icarus. I spent another half an hour playing Tetris Battle. Another forty-five minutes on Star Trek: Voyager and Fringe each. Twenty minutes of forum-surfing of Guild Wars 2 Guru. My wife has been watching NCIS on and off all day.

Even now, as the day winds down, I'm listening to Tonight Alive and fighting the urge to play more Tetris while I try to write this blog post.

I like to call myself a writer, but I spend much more of my time consuming what other people have produced—outside of my own field—than I do practicing my craft. I even have a hard time generating original thoughts to discuss the things I consume.

It hasn't been a bad day. In fact, it's been an awesome day. My wife is super happy. We had lasagna hamburger helper for dinner. I enjoyed geeking out about English grammar for an hour this morning.

Sometimes I do feel like a failure for not doing a lot of writing, but tonight I'm just struck by how weird it is that I spend so much time watching, reading, playing, instead of writing, composing, or enjoying the outdoors.

Not that the sleet made the outdoors a desirable alternative today.

So yeah, that's what's on my mind today. Maybe forcing myself to blog at least once a day will help keep this in focus or even—Heaven forbid—lead me to change my ways. We'll see.

Once again, this is me shrugging.

Peace off.