It's Over (Or At Least It Can Be)

Okay, so I didn't blog yesterday.  Here's my explanation:  in the morning, my wife and I got up to go to a meeting that lasted till around noon (including driving time), after which I said good-bye to a good friend till Christmas and to my parents until about a week from now.  Then, really soon after that, we headed over to my cousin's, where we hung out all day and I marathoned Guild Wars 2 with him for most of that time.  So, I could have done my blog then, but I was kinda busy having an insane amount of fun.

But I intend to finish today.  So here we go.

So, this is the end, whether you want it or not.  And actually, bombshell, I might take a few days off of blogging again, both because this has actually been a lot of work and because I'm still probably going to be really busy in the coming days.

Unlike the other songs on the album, these last two aren't "afterthoughts" or "tags" to each other, they're really kind of two versions of the same song.  The first, though it starts off slow, primarily on the piano, breaks into a frenetic song and just keeps building until the sudden cut off into "(If You Want It)."  The second song is longer, with more esoteric lyrics, where the first, faster song is a bit more direct.  Let's take a look.

This Is The End
(lyrics by Matthew Thiessen)

I can't keep a straight face
And say this is not the end
Not if you want it it's upon us
And I wanna say it's sinking in.
Oh

This may sound crazy but I wanna come back home.
That's it I said it now I'm sailing off to Neverland and then Japan.

So think real slow
Don't forget that yes is yes and no is no
About the way you wanna go
'Cause I may forget the way to get back home

This is the end if you want it
This is the end

You're not the first thing in my life I've loved and lost
Yeah I've thought worse things
that I might be less inclined to merely just shrug off.
I took the fire escape and made it out alive.
Yeah I still burn from time to time
But I've a healing hand against my side.

So think real slow
Don't forget that yes is yes and no is no
About the way you wanna go
'Cause I may forget the way to get back home

This is the end if you want it
This is the end if you want it
This is the end

(If You Want It)
(lyrics by Matthew Thiessen)


I can't keep a straight face and say this is not the end
Not if you want it it's upon us and I wanna say it's sinking in.
If I was hasty maybe I was rushed along
I won't move into little boxes and then not get the itch to move on.

So think real slow
Don't forget that yes is yes and no is no
Melting prints of grass and snow
Means I may forget the way to get back home

This is the end if you want it
This is the end

You're not the first thing in my life I've loved and lost
Yeah I've thought worse things that I might be less inclined to merely just shrug off
You'll take me home
Like my family did my father did I know
You'll think real slow
And don't forget the speed that I can go
Away

'Cause this is the end if you want it
This is the end—

I've been convincing myself
That I'm worthwhile
'Cause I'm worth what I'll convince myself to be
Been convincing myself
That I'm worthwhile
'Cause I'm worth what I'll convince myself to be—

I met the devil and I stared her in the eyes
Her hair has scales like silver serpents
I a statue stood there mesmerized
I took the fire escape and made it out alive
Yeah I still burn from time to time
But I've a healing hand against my side

Blisters on my feet I crawl back home
Frozen from the sleet, burned sand and stone
Nourished back to life by life alone
With one shake of the mane regain
The throne.

----

One thing I'll mention is that the official lyrics for these two tracks are listed as one song.  Both songs start with the same line, "I can't keep a straight face and say this is not the end," and they continue to have lines in common (like fire escapes and thinking slow).  After the first line, "This Is The End" bursts in with guitars and drums in a faster, almost punk rock rhythm, though Thiessen's singing style retains some of its reflectiveness despite its passion.

There are themes of lostness here at the end that were mostly just foreshadowed in other songs on the album, except the wandering into the plains during the bridge of "Sahara."  This theme seems tied to the theme of travel in the album, and reflects Thiessen's struggle to be "certain the steps of left and right don't fight the direction of upright."  He admits that he wants to go home, but then says that he's going to two fantastic locations, one invented (Neverland) and one real (Japan).

Then he commands his subject to "think real slow" "about the way you wanna go," perhaps suggesting that this is the true last chance Thiessen is offering to his love.  He's saying, "Okay, I'm going this way.  You can come with me, or we can part ways."  And they do.

Thiessen reflects that he's had losses and heartbreaks before, and that he's "thought" of  "worse things" that could happen—there's that thread of "things could still be worse" again.  What comes next in "This Is The End" is Thiessen escape by fire escape—a desperate method, and an interesting metaphor considering what's happened to him.  I think this metaphor is intended to refer to the fire we hear in "Sahara," one in part "ignited" by himself to combat his desolation.  The metaphor extends to a physical injury, a burn (but only an occasional one) which is being helped by a Healing Hand.

Then the admonishment to think slow—and now I point out the irony considering Thiessen's stated policy of the album to not slow down—and the statement that this is the end are repeated, rising in intensity until Thiessen bites of the word "end" at the end of the track.

The transition into piano and voice alone is immediately, without an interlude between the "end" of the first track and Thiessen cutting in again with "I can't keep a straight face..."  I say there's just piano and voice, but as I listen through more closely there are also strings filling in the sound.  What you won't hear in the final track are guitars or drums.  You might say that Thiessen's bandmates have backed away for this song, so that he can finish it himself.

I think I might make a parsing of meaning between the two songs.  The first one is pretty clearly aimed at Thiessen's now-ex, but the second one has references that I think fit a You rather than a you, if you take my meaning.  I can't say it's all for Him, though, because the addition after the shared first line seems pretty well aimed at her.  However, it could easily be read that Thiessen is talking about the situation now with his Father.

There's some more ammunition against this, because at one point Thiessen refers to his "father" in third person while talking to someone else.  I think there are too many doubled meanings in these songs to say for sure it's meant to be just one thing over the other.  Especially in the quieter track, where more practical lines are replaced with images like melting snow contributing to Thiessen's inability to get home, the meanings are rather ambiguous (but still present).

It may be that there is a dark note to be read in this final track.  When I first saw the title for these last two tracks, I was worried that this might be Relient K's final album, or at least a threat of it.  I no longer think it was anything quite that superficial.  However, there seems to be more to this end (if you want it) than just the end of a relationship, and I think it ties back to my discussion of "Sahara" and Thiessen's revelation of his tendency to desert even as he has been deserted.

It's also hooked into the way we use some language about leaving this life, like "moving on."  I don't want to read too heavily into any idea of Thiessen wanting to kill himself, because I don't think that was ever something weighing too heavily on his mind.  However, there is still that thread, if we read Thiessen as also saying to God, "This is the end if you want it."  I think a clearer reading might be that if God wanted to be done with him, Thiessen would accept that because of how he's been.  In that light, Thiessen is having a conversation with one person who we know wants this to be the end, and another Who isn't giving up on him yet.

So Thiessen talks about wanting to go home, but not going (heading instead to Japan), about forgetting the way, and losing his tracers.  Then he says:  "You'll take me home, like my family did my father did I know."  To me this means that God will guide him because he can't guide himself, and that Thiessen's own family nurtured him while he was struggling with the desolation.  Saying that "You'll think real slow," is a reprise of the thought from the first track, but also a reference to God working on His own time, and not ours.  Thiessen warns him, though, not to "forget the speed that [he] can go away," that he can wander off into the plains again.  He's still asking not to be turned loose, even if he turns his back.

In a bridge of sorts, Thiessen tells us that he's convincing himself that he's worth it.  There is a blow to the self-esteem you get when you're rejected, and it can be a delicate matter to rebuild it and keep a state that might be described as "egoless while self-assured."  It takes guidance.  This bridge is both a cut-in and a cut-out, where Thiessen's first word of it cuts off the "end" of the chorus-ish line, and the last word is cut off by the next section.

We get a strange sort of perspective of Thiessen's relationship here, right at the very end.  It seems he compares his former love to a Medusa-devil—a sort of succubus.  More accurately, he calls the Devil a woman with attributes of Medusa, and that it struck him.  It wouldn't be fair to say that this is his description of what his relationship with the lady was really like, but I think this had something to do with the end or it wouldn't belong here.  It's here we also get the return of the fire escape.  Whereas in "This Is The End" we aren't given an idea of what Thiessen is escaping from, now we have the image of him stumbling away from the Devil after recovering enough from being turned to stone, and now he's still recovering from that encounter with some Help.

Then, the end comes, as Thiessen crawls home with blistered feet, with images of weather-blasted condition, but that life (or Life) alone has saved him (as opposed to hiding under a rock, dwelling upon and slowing down).  The very last line returns to the lion metaphor of "Sahara," as a mane is shaken and a throne is taken.  In some ways, it's the Thiessen-lion stepping back in control of his life, and in others it's the Lion of Judah taking back His rightful place on the throne of Thiessen's life.  In all ways, the end of Forget and Not Slow Down hits a note of restoration with intent to carry on.  Now, this may not be in the same totally vibrant spirit as expressed at the start, but we know the strength is there to not "go slow."

I don't know that I have much else to say.  The album ends on a suspended chord that isn't the tonic of the key—which renders the effect of an ambiguous ending.  I think this is meant to say that in very, very important ways, this is not the end.

And I'm glad of that, because if Thiessen takes the sort of art from this album and applies it to the one Relient K is working on right now, it's going to be superb.  To be honest I'm a little afraid, because I hold this album in such esteem I might be disappointed.  Still, I trust Thiessen to be himself with his music, and he and his bandmates to make that music shine, so even if the next original Relient K album isn't as good as Forget and Not Slow Down, there's still tons of space for it to be a really good album.

And that's that, guys.  A week or so of blogging and I've analyzed a whole album of lyrics for you guys.  It's been suggested to me that I do more song reviews like this, and the idea is appealing, but like so many things in my life and my work, my word on this is "we'll see."

Peace out folks.