White Knights and Writer's Block

I may have mentioned this before, but I don't particularly believe in writer's block.  Despite this, though, there are times I set aside to write where nothing comes.  I deeply suspect that during these times I just don't feel like writing.  If I let this rule me, though, I'll never amount to anything as a writer, because I'll never write anything.

It's hard when I don't like anything that comes out of my head when I'm writing.  There are some interesting ideas, but nothing cohesive, nothing that I think matters.  If I'm not engaging with what I'm writing, how are my readers supposed to?  Now, I've had readers most interested in the things about my writing I find the most dull, and I can kind of take that in stride.  People have different preferences from each other.  I still stubbornly seek objective goodness in my writing.  It's just a frustrating battle to fight.

One thing that's quite popular lately in all kinds of stories is the anti-hero.  This is the guy who doesn't even really want to do the right thing.  There's also the edgy hero, like the concept of Breaking Bad (brewing/selling illicit drugs to keep a family afloat).  I know that people are interested in this because it explores the space between black and white, and in our culture people tend to think the gray is more honest about life.  I'm not like that.  Yes, I'm admitting that I look at things in a more black and white way than most.  But you might be surprised by what I call black and what I call white.

One of my main questions is "where's your heart at?"  Not that I actually ask it aloud, or even think about it in as many words.  I like to see when characters weigh their decisions based on the nexus of their motivations, emotions, and logic.

I get frustrated when things don't come out right in the end, or if people making horribly flawed decisions are the ones rising as the victors.  I don't care for stories where no one comes to the rescue.  It's not necessarily because I believe that that's what happens in real life, but because when I'm a very protective person.  Because my first thought when I see someone in distress is how I can end that distress, it's hard for me to imagine that there won't be someone in the story who behaves as I would.

I know it's cliché to like the white knight, but I do.  I don't think they're nearly as boring as they're made out to be.  Because, again, that's my personality.  It's not easy to be the good guy.  If you're human, you're chock full of flaws you have to strive against, at the same time you're battling the injustices you see around you.  But that's the way I see myself interacting with the outside world.  Fixing things that are wrong.

That might be why I'm an introvert.  Some things don't need fixing, or can't be fixed.  At least not by me.  It kinda gets you down, man.

That's also probably why fantasy appeals to me.  Stack the deck in the favor setting things right.  Because things are never going to settle right in this world, and seeing the real world in chaos is what I do every day.  I don't want to keep seeing it in my fiction.

I want to see the chaos undone.  Raveled.

Okay, this kinda got side-tracked.  Anyway, sometimes I lose interest in writing in the confines of my current project.  Like Talas Ke.  I'm having some issues sorting out the ending.  It's hard to finish something that's been around in my head for a decade.  I need it to be perfect.  And it isn't going to be.  But I don't want to give up.  Then there's writing poetry for songs.  I had a couple good ideas, but now I don't know where to go without getting either repetitive or trite.

Thankfully, I can write about whatever on this blog, even about the issues I'm having with writing at the moment.  And know that I'd rather bury myself in a writing project than go out and find a job.  That's frustrating, too.  Because I need a job like a good analogy needs to relate to the audience.

Part of the problem with temporarily living at home with the parents is the lack of space.  It's also one of the few setbacks in marriage.  At least on the surface, it seems like I'd be doing a lot better as a writer if I was single and living alone in a quiet apartment.

Balancing the great two great passions of my life is just going to get harder, isn't it?

Grenth's gory beard, life sucks.

:/